Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
