i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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