he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
