the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
