Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
wakey wakey hands off snakey
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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