SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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