My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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