i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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