Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize