I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
