They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
