Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize