we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
