If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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