im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
