There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
