i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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