Apparently you make a good broom.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
