I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize