I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
