When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
and you said cock pushups were impossible
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
