If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I cannot find my penis.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
