If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize