You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
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