The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
