M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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