guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
