your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Pants are for mortals
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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