Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
