so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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