Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
