we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
