On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's rum buckets o'clock
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
