he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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