i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
