I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
