Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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