420 ftw
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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