you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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