I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
