Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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