But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
