quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
