We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
