I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
