I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
