if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
