don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
