so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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