I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
