Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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