Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
