If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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