Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
