oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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