he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
