my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
