using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
When are your genitals available?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
