We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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