Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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