fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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