i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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