i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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